i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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