it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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