But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
