We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No subtext here. People are naked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
