R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
