is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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