I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
