Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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