Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
