If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
