what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
