he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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