Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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