Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
