Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
