I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
