I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When are your genitals available?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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