Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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