idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
