I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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