How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
