Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
