At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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