I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
