Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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