Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
time to smoke my breakfast
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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