he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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