Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
