so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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