Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
