Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
