last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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