Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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