You really coming over, don't trick.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
