why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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