So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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