I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
