Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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