My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
