This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Mom said you looked used
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
