wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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