I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
