i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
