I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
