I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
