one might say we're banned from that church
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
