So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
