Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
