Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
