dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
