Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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