I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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