Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
